Occasionally I get out of work early.  I’m kind of exhausted so I come home and I flip on the TV.  Showing ENDLESSLY on my TV is this thing called “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.”  Now I’m not going to get all hoity-toity here.  I watch Housewives, endlessly. I’ll even watch Jeff Lewis on “Flipping Out” because I secretly believe Jeff really does love Zoyla.

But that Kardashian thing, is different.  In a bad way.  Its like the Burger King that makes your stomach hurt.  Its like a sour macaron. I can’t understand it and by that I mean I can’t understand why those people are famous, how they are even mildly interesting to anyone or why Kim is married to a guy who looks, sounds and moves like Lurch.

Well, anyway, I bet if you really searched where they came from, we would find that they actually came to the Earth through this portal.  Fully formed, in leopard print, complaining endlessly about their missing “$75,000 diamond earrings”: