random oddities

Flori-weird, I promise with this entry it ends

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I got so much material from the kitsch area from that little sojourn in Florida that I needed three entries to thoroughly talk about and post all of it. This is the last entry. I promise. Here we go:

So many things here that we just way too funny. Why the fence? If that thing say, came to life, the fence would be up to his calves.

He had a friend too:

What were they going to do? Run away? These two jokers were in front of this very subtle, almost minimalist structure:

I didn’t go inside. I feared for the building structural integrity, given my ability to laugh at all of this. In other words, I was afraid my explosive laughter would make it collapse.

All I have to say is thank God for the digital camera because photographing all of this stuff with film would have been insanely expensive and time consuming. Florida, oh Florida. Can’t you be boring?

Ugly, distrubing, weird, gloriously tacky

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When you drive through Virginia, North and South Carolina and half of Florida, you stop at a lot of gas stations and truck stops. I’ll tell you this much. The further South you go, the worse it gets with the nightmarish stuff they sell at gas stations or truck stops.

Let’s start off with something that is just kind of funny:

Diet Country Breeze? Diet Country Breeze? How can a country breeze be fattening? Well, considering the size of the asses I saw in the Southern parts of the United States, them there country breezes have to be fattening.

Not scared yet? Oh, worry not. Its coming, oh yeah. Another horror? OK:

Gnomes, nest, galaxy of the ugly. Want a close up? I got that too:

Good lord. These ugly crap looks like what you see in the before pictures from some home makeover show. Now I know where all of that crap comes from. Believe me, there is A LOT more. Hold on to your ass:

Sorry for the blurriness on this one, but I had to get the tree trunk, featuring the face:

And it did not end there:

That one was shot from the hip, meaning I wasn’t exactly looking through the lens. With the EOS behemoth, the photo thing is significantly less inconspicuous, so sometimes I have to pretend I am fiddling with the camera to take a photo. More Native Americans? OK:

I know, right? The bubble wrap chaps are fierce, as my hero Jay Manual (aka Small Orange Man) would say. I did per usual, save the bestest for the lastest:

The bulldog is wearing a Confederate flag, carrying a gun and a cap from the “War of Northern Aggression” or “unpleasantness.” I think I stood there laughing for a good 10 minutes when I saw this particular tchotchke. I felt sorry for the bulldog, one of my favorite dog breeds. Make it stop, make it stop! Its all fakakta, I tell you. FAKAKTA.

Flori-weird, the definitive edition

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Seriously Florida, seriously!?:

I get to go shopping in an orange? An orange? Unhappy? Don’t want to shop in an orange? What about this thing:

And, while you are at it, book a room at this place:

But be careful of what lurks in the parking lot:

Don’t want to buy your Florida junk in an orange or a wizard? Have you considered a space ship?:

I thought the orange looked like a spaceship, then I saw the actual spaceship. And, if you are going to be an alien, be a patriotic one:

Down the block, an alternative for the person who didn’t want to travel/shop in the vehicle from My Favorite Martian:

And, as the last image, this weird Floridian vacationer:

You usually don’t see very many of these….

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But yet in Florida, I saw three within a small distance of one another. It kind of looks like a beehive. There is no mistaking what they sell here. Too bad for example that H&R Bloch isn’t made to look like your money floating away from you. You don’t think they are making loans in this place:

Or here either:

Makes me want an ice cream.

Flori-weird, McDonald’s Edition

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I am going to coin a new term. Texas does everything bigger. Florida does everything weirder. Your garden variety McDonald’s is turned into a neon wonderland:

In Ronald we trust:

World’s best place?:

The inside is a total disappointment. No, just kidding:

I wanna be big, big I tell you!:

The moon was singing Chuck Berry’s “Rock & Roll music”:

We’re in Florida, so we need a gator:

The hand the holds the hamburger rules the world:

Finally, one nation under Ronald:

I’d like to entitle the following series….

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Candy I will never eat. All of this made me wonder what on earth people are thinking these days, when it comes to things they feed their children.

Exhibit A:

Seriously, though this is just sugar, it is still gross, to me. Grosser:

More of the yuck? OK. So, kiddies, this is not coconut:

Those are worms. Up next, cricket licking:

Or, different bug life? There too:

Disgusting. Simply disgusting.

There’s something a little different about this beach

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Now Miami Beach as its name indicates looks like this:

So, its pretty conventional in that sense, but most beaches don’t feature signs like these:

Thanks for the warning guys. So, when they find a way to deliver the internet via a pill that makes a web browser open before your eyes, you will be able to look at my baked self taking pictures? OK. Well, these are also preserved until the next Ice Age:

And, this is too:

Yes, sepia tone added in post production, but I like what it did for the image.